Horror vacui? No. If Nature truly abhors a vacuum, then we can only conclude that it has questionable taste. In hoc casu significado...
"I think you've found the only coffee shop in Bayswater that actually looks and smells like one in Amsterdam." Duncan wrinkled his nose disapprovingly and joined the older man sitting in the corner window seat.
"For a moment I thought you were actually going to say it."
"Say what?"
"Something along the lines of...do you come here often?"
"God, no." Duncan shifted uncomfortably. "You're joking, right?"
"Nearly always."
"Look," said Duncan, "I know there are protocols for this sort of thing, but you've been virtually invisible for over a year, and to say that I wasn't expecting your call would be putting it mildly. By the way, you don't do social media do you?"
"You checked?"
"I had to. Don't feel flattered."
"Of course. But no, there's absolutely no point in my adding to the cacophony of trivial drivel out there."
Duncan frowned.
"Is that how you see it?"
"Oh dear, have I caused offence? That seems to be happening more and more these days. My apologies."
"Not at all. It's just somewhat...out-of-step, shall we say?"
"Ah yes, I understand. And I received a sharp lesson in my apparent dissonance with modern humanity on the bus this morning."
"Really? What happened?"
"Well," he held up his walking stick, "This latest accessory isn't mere affectation I'm afraid, and I was sitting in one of those single seats for people with reduced mobility at the front when a young woman got on with a pushchair, oh and another two children in tow."
"Right. And?"
"And, for some reason, she was shooting me evil looks as she rammed her pushchair into the wheelchair space. Quite intense it was. Sustained, like a sort of challenge. Not entirely sure what her expectations might've been, but some sort of reassuring, advisory response seemed justified."
Duncan stared up at him from behind the menu.
"You said something to her?"
"I did."
"Something reassuring and...advisory?"
"Well, I thought so, but it elicited gasps and rather a deal of tutting from my fellow passengers. Perhaps, in retrospect, it was lacking the sentimentality more commonly accorded the subject."
"Okay," sighed Duncan, visibly preparing himself for the worst, "What did you say?"
The older man sipped his fruit tea.
"Dad? What did you say to her?"
The twinkle in his eye was unmistakeable as he replied.
"Reproduction isn't compulsory."
Castor Farnum will return, more coherent than ever...
